I’m also a believer that Black love has and does reach the community in which it exists. Maybe it sounds corny, but I would walk around with my (former) boyfriend very proudly and very much radiating and people responded to that and admired whatever message we were putting out there. People also responded when they realized we were no longer together. My students have also expressed very earnestly and purely about the seemingly happy and healthy couples they see on the streets, in their own homes, how it makes them “want that.” So, our love, our actions of love, can reach and inspire our neighbors, our babies. It’s quite profound. I smile when I see any couple that seems to be shining with love, but I feel uplifted when its’ a black couple. That’s just how it goes for me.

I agree, when you talk about Black Love it is much more than that which occurs between two people, romantic partners. Black Love stretches across the world and touches young an old. It’s a smile or slang, a gesture, a handshake, an entire culture of music…BUT, eventually you have to talk about marriage because Black folks get married everyday.

And to that end, marriage is what our society, most of the world, recognizes as the validating threshold of a romantic relationship, fortunately and unfortunately. Fortunately, based on my research, it seems that certificates were not in the original plan of marriage, these seem to have been later developed concepts- however (pls pardon me) here I need to dig deeper still. But, it seems that marriage in Genesis was about something deeper. And I’m still and will forever be learning about that.

We are bombarded by messages, etc., that to find one mate is good- whether we agree, as a people, we’re aware of the implication and expectation thereof. We may not subscribe to those expectations but they’re there. Now my feelings on this are mixed like most of us affected in society, by media and internet, blah blah. However, I do think a marriage can be the best relationship (example of black love) there is if it is good, inspiring, loving, and compromising.
It teaches how to relate to one another, to sistahs and brothahs at large. In one aspect: there’s nothing more loving to your people as a whole than the display of respect for ones counterpart. When you show genuine love and support for your “other half” you show respect for those who look upon it. Let’s not be so quick to dismiss the Covenant whether or not we struggle with it.

Again, my initial comment was brief and hopefully not insulting–point being I’m down to join a face to face discussion, and I happen to be married- so hopefully that adds perspective.

Black love is so many things, aggreed! AND black marriage is one of those things, most definately.

Much Love
D

Speaking of marriage - I don’t think Black Love has much to do with marriage. Sure, I understand why it’s brought up and why it’s relevant to a discussion about Black Love, but I think marriage is one of the reasons why so many of us consider Black Love and black relationships to be failing: here we are trying to conform our emotional experiences with one another to this institutionalized notion of harmony sanctioned by churches and bureaucratic certificates. People love in different ways, and I think it’s not always useful or fair to hold marriage up as the height of love, the epitome of balance, or the thing to aim for achieving in a relationship. Of course I know black couples that are married and have a beautiful union that fills me with joy and light just to behold them. But the source of that joy and that light is not the MARRIAGE, it’s the LOVE.

I’m not at all disregarding the strength, beauty, heritage, and value of the Black church - at all! But I think we’re missing something if we turn to look at ourselves (and the way we do or don’t love each other) and then say that the solution lies with our faith in a power that is beyond us.

I’m going to hold firm to the idea that there is a lot we can do with and for each other to strengthen each other, to love each other, to teach other (especially the baybeez), to find our good partners, and to spread black love. The things we can do are not complex or expensive; they’re really basic. Here’s one: talk to the black people you DON’T know. Strangers on your street, folks in your hood, fellow shoppers at the grocery store, commuters on that bus/train you ride every day. Old folks, young folks, everybody. Let’s get out of our personal comfort zones to create a more comfortable community. Risk embarrassment, risk rude responses.

Get to know people. When you know people then you can hold them accountable for their actions. When you know the brothers on the corner by name, then you can check them when you see them they verbally disrespect a young sister as she’s walking by (for example) - and they’ll listen.

These are the types of roots of love that I think we need to take care of, so that not only will Black Love flourish in turn, but so too of course will Black Community.