THOSE PICTURE PERFECT PROFILES WEREN’T ALL THEY WERE CRACKED UP TO BE

It’s been a minute since your resident dating guinea pig has checked in so I had to bless you with the final installment of my summer long journey. The last time we met, I was frustrated over the less than stellar quality of men on several sites and I went on a blind date with a guy who was a bit too aggressive with the text messages. But, I kept on truckin’ and didn’t let those dating dilemmas deter me.

A few months ago, I gave Crazy Blind Dates a second shot and most certainly, it was my last blind date. I’ve rarely had bad first dates but this went down in the books for the most awkward exchange I’ve ever had with a guy. While waiting for my mystery date outside of the Coffee Shop, my eyes connected with a guy who was walking toward me. I immediately said to myself, “I hope that’s not him.” The guy walked up to me and said “Patrice?” Damn, damn, damn! Lets just say he wasn’t my type, but I greeted him with a smile and we walked into the spot. The plan was to get a drink at the bar or head to the downstairs lounge area, but the bar was crowded and the lounge was closed for a private party, so we got a table.

I immediately felt no connection with him whatsoever. I can understand that some people are a bit shy (I can be a shy wallflower myself) but if you’re on a date, open your frickin’ mouth and talk to me! He asked what I wanted to eat and I told him I’d just get a quick drink. Our waitress came and he ordered first (shouldn’t a guy let a woman order first? Whatever) and he orders a meal. What the hell? Why would he order a meal when I’m only getting a drink and when the lack of connection between us is apparent?

The idea behind CrazyBlindDates is to have people meet at bars or coffee shops, so if you’re not really feeling the person, you can quickly and politely leave after a drink and not feel awkward through an entire meal. So, I just decided to get something to eat as well. I’d at least have to have something to nosh on while I was being bored to death. Silence. He had nothing to say. So I asked him the typical get-to-know-you-questions; what he does for a living, how long he’s lived in New York. He answered and then fired the questions back right at me. I felt like I was on an interview for a job I really didn’t want. Our food finally comes. I’ve never been so happy to see fish and chips before! I asked him what made him try going on a blind date. “Oh, I’ve been doing the dating site thing for a little over a year now,” he replied. As soon as he said that I thought to myself, “What a loser!” He’s been online looking for love for a year? But wait a minute, am I just as much a “loser” since I’m online as well? That signaled the end of the date for me. We finished our meal and parted with a handshake. Yes, a handshake.

I just sat in Union Square for a few minutes and wondered if I was trying to hard to meet someone. I’m not opposed to the online thing; I know two co-workers who’ve met their husbands online, but maybe this just isn’t for me. Anytime I’ve met a fella it’s always been in the most random situations. The next day I deleted my profiles on the numerous sites I registered for thinking I was going to find a bevy of eligible chocolate studs.

Once I nixed the whole idea of online dating…I met a guy!! And not just some random guy I was half way interested in, but a guy I really liked. It was a Saturday night and Element was having a 90s party with a special tribute to Nas. Not too long after I made it inside, a guy came up to me and asked if he could dance with me. He was respectful, cute, kept me laughing all night and could dance his ass of so I was immediately impressed. By 3 a.m. I walked out of the club with my feet killing me but with his number in my phone. I know, I know. In my first post I mentioned meeting a guy at a club isn’t the best idea but oh well. He called the next day and he chemistry was certainly there. We had amazing dates; Flor de Mayo’s juicy rotisserie chicken, talking until the wee hours of the morning at the Brooklyn Heights Promenade and he even made me dinner. I really liked this guy. And I rarely like anyone. But it just started to fizzle out after a while- a while meaning a month!

Just as easily as I can be into a guy, I can be over him just as quickly. I started noticing little things that annoyed me. He stopped calling when he said he would. He talked about himself way too much. And um, he wore Dove deodorant. Isn’t that a woman’s deodorant? That’s the deodorant I use. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal, but that kinda made me feel some type of way. Either way, I think we both started getting tired of one another and the calls just stopped. That was until he called me out of the blue a few weeks ago. We were supposed to meet up until he cancelled last minute and then never rescheduled. Hmm, Patrice doesn’t have time for games or wasting her precious breath.

I guess I didn’t find my summertime boo like I was hoping for or maybe I did find him, although it was temporary. Either way, another season’s around the corner. I’m just glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried something different, and attempting online dating was certainly different.