Blacksingles.com screenshot

TEXT STALKING IS SOO PASSE

I know you’ve been patiently waiting for a romantic update and the goods on the dating sites I’ve tried so far.

Over the past three weeks, I’ve received some interesting responses to my online dating experiment. Women generally seem to be encouraging and guys feel it’s a waste of time (and according to one commenter, maybe even a bit desperate). I hate to admit it but I’m gonna have to side with the guys on this one. Not about the desperate part but about online “dating” being a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not abandoning my online journey, but after an interesting blind date and some less than interesting online encounters, I’m just not feeling it the way I was after my first post. So far I’ve learned two things; connecting with a guy isn’t a top priority and online dating can be a bit time consuming and a pain in the butt.

But as your humble Square Rootz servant, I’ll continue to give you the goods on what sites yield results and what sites are complete duds.

The first step to any online dating site involves creating a profile and selecting a photo. This sounds pretty simple, but let me tell you, this was the most time consuming phase of the process. Your profile has to speak for you and be enticing enough to pull a potential suitor in. The depth and length of questions vary as I was asked everything from the things I can’t live without to how I feel about racist jokes. But one question that seemed universal was “What are you looking for?” Simple question. Some people on the sites were looking for a spouse while others were just looking for intimate encounters. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.

Your photo is even more important. You can have the sweetest, most endearing profile but if your match can’t get beyond your less than flattering pic, then it’s a romantic wrap before it’s even started. I came across profiles with exposed chests and barely there dresses. I knew I didn’t want to fall into that category and chose a photo that was cute, but not sexy.

So here’s a run down of the sites I’ve tried so far:

Soulsingles.com screenshot

This was the first site I signed up for and my disappointment was almost immediate as the quality of men was not that impressive. More than a few of the profiles were missing photos (a big no-no in online dating) and the site seemed dominated by older men. I appreciate an older man, but a guy in his 40s or 50s might be a bit too mature for this tender roni. The site features a Personality Match that consists of a series of questions to gauge areas of your personality including assertiveness, self discipline, sociability, self confidence and imagination. Like most sites, there’s a fee associated if you want to message other members ($24.99 for one month, $16.66 for 3 months or $13.33 for 6 months). Reasonable prices, but like I said, the quality wasn’t that hot. I received a few messages, including one from a guy who labeled himself “1 of the Sexyest Guys in the City,” needless to say I wasn’t interested.

BlackSingles.com

I was much more impressed with this site than Soul Singles. With comparable prices ($24.99 for one month, $13.99 for 6 months or $9.99 for 12 months), the quality of men was definitely a step up. The site uses a Color Code with questions that measure whether you’re a red, blue, white or yellow personality type. Apparently I’m a Red personality, which means I’m driven by power. Is that a good thing? Either way, when you’re sent matches you can see your exact percentage with that match. Another aspect that I liked was the easy to navigate home page; you can see who’s messaged you, who’s viewed your profile and a list of upcoming events. The site hosts a few events throughout major cities including wine tastings, speed dating and meet and greets.

Eharmony.com

I had the highest hopes for this well known site but I was upset to find that you can’t do anything on this site without forking over your credit card. As the most expensive site I signed up for ($59.95 for one month or $20.95 for 12 months), I couldn’t even view members’ photos without paying! In lieu of a photo is a gray box stating, “You must be a subscriber to view photos.” In spite of this setback, I filled out the profile and my list of Must Haves and Can’t Stands. The next morning my inbox was full of potential matches, some of their profiles seemed interesting but like I said, I couldn’t see a photo without paying. I could never see myself paying for a site when I’m not sure of the quality (i.e. attractiveness) of the guys. Maybe I’m just shallow but I want to know my money’s being well spent.

Meetup.com (Black New York Singles)

“Black Love Reigns Supreme,” that’s the motto for Meetup.com’s Black New York Singles group. Though this isn’t exactly a matching site like the others, it does seem like a great way to connect with other singles in the city. With more than 600 members the site seems to have way more women than men. Events are typically hosted a few times a month. Unfortunately I have yet to attend any of the events but I’m looking forward to some of the upcoming meet ups including a Midnight Yacht party and a Coney Island beach party. It can be a bit intimidating meeting someone one on one so the group outings sound like a welcome change of pace. The site also has occasional blind dates that they can set members up on.

Crazyblinddate.com screenshot

So far it looks like I’ve struck out with all of the sites but I did yield some results from Crazy Blind Date! It’s a pretty easy site to register for if you’re interested in going on a blind date with a single in your area (there’s also the option to go on a blind double date). You pick the day(s) and times you’re available and the site attempts a match. When selecting my physical preference in a guy, I clicked on the box specifying I wanted a Black male. That selection was immediately followed with a red box that popped up stating, “You’ll probably have trouble getting a date with that many restrictions checked…Lighten up?” Are you serious? Just asking for a Black man is too much of a restriction? I stuck with my preference and hoped for a match. Lo and behold, I was set up on a date a few Fridays ago with “Bob.” Thirty minutes before our date, the site sent us texts that allowed us to communicate with one another without revealing our cell numbers. “I’ll be the guy in the red shirt,” Bob texted me so I’d be able to identify him at the Coffee Shop. I couldn’t believe I was really about to go on my first blind date, but I’m all for new experiences.

To my surprise, the date went really well. After two hours of great conversation, we went our separate ways, but not before we exchanged numbers. I felt really good afterwards. But just as easily as I was turned on and intrigued, I was turned off when he began to text me relentlessly for a week straight. I know we’re in an age dominated by technology but damn it, if you want to talk to me, pick up the phone. And texting me for 5 days straight, sometimes multiple times in a day, is a bit much for me. My red flags immediately started flying and I had to politely tell him the multiple texts were a bit much for me and to fall back. I never heard from him again… not that I was too disappointed.

I’m not giving up on the online sites or meeting guys the old fashion way. So whatever happens happens.